What is the role of coaching post-divorce.
The role of coaching is a primary cornerstone in re-establishing who you are and what your values are. Words like: character, loyalty, honor, determined, focused, and driven all have a relationship with a person who is after being the best version of themselves. This doesn’t differ from a man’s life, which is focused on being the best version of himself that he can be. Take a minute before you read on and just quiet your mind and think of what your life would be like in a year from not after committing to growth in the categories of health, finances, relationships, parenting, and ask yourself. What would THAT feel like?
Focus on the “What now?” not the “Whys.”
Imagine being surrounded by people you invited into your life because they motivate you to be a better version of yourself. A You 2.0. There is no judgment in that kind of life, and even if there were, it doesn’t matter. The only judgment that truly matters is yours when you lay your head on your pillow at night and reflect on the day. Did you give your best? Is there room for improvement? Can you be 1% better than you were today? What would that 1% better look like?
“Argue for your limitations and, sure enough, they are yours.”
A while back, I was on a fishing trip with a buddy. Floating a serene river in the rainforest of Washington State. The sort of place where you don’t see another person or structure for 6 hours. We were discussing how to get better as a golfer. This can apply to any level of activity where you want to be accomplished. And during that discussion, we bumped heads on the typical questions of who was the best and in what era. We shared the stories that we all knew. Michael Jordan got kicked off the basketball team because he wasn’t good enough. Tom Brady sat on the bench because he didn’t appear seasoned enough. Mike Tyson was a violent youth and was going nowhere. The common thread we agreed on was that they all faced adversity in trying to reach for their dream. NBA Championships. Super Bowl rings. Heavyweight Champion. A crucial component of their growth and accomplishments was that they had a coach who believed in them, and they held themselves accountable to a measurable system created to develop their skills. You can break that down into three specific categories.
The Dream – you can call this by other names, but the concept shows up in everything you do. They all had an idea of what they wanted to become. The examples above all refer to champions that went far beyond what you may dream for yourself, but who says that being a good father, a kind man, a man who is fit for his age, or even just confident in who you are, isn’t a worthwhile pursuit?
The System – to move in any direction requires that you plan the things that you would do to get the things you want. Let’s call this the system. The system is something that is committed to paper, reviewed daily, and adhered to because there needs to be a baseline to measure growth from. If your goal was to lose weight, you would need to know what your weight is now. If you wanted to be a better father, you would need to define what it is to be a better father. If you wanted to be a better golfer, establish a handicap so that you can measure your progress. The system defines the place where you are and creates actionable steps for you to create movement by adding action.
Lastly, ACTION – here is the day-to-day opportunity to be and create anything that you desire. It ALL revolves around action. Yesterday is over, and only it’s history serves you. Nothing can be changed in a day that has passed. Tomorrow is NOT promised, and even if you get to wake to another day, before you know it, your time will be gobbled up by the insignificant. This is your dqay. Your moment to make different decisions. Decisions that happen in quiet without fanfare or celebration by others. Stop eating food from a window if you want to lose weight. Fill your time with reading or listening to books written by people who have achieved what you want. Here is where you are going to bank the time in the activity that changes the trajectory of your life. This is the place of momentum. If getting in shape is on you list of things, drive to the gym. I don’t care if you don’t get out of the car and sit in the parking lot. KEEP DOING IT! Sooner or later you will get out of the car and walk in the gym. Small decisions that may seem insignificcant over a long period of time will change your life.
If this speaks to you, drop me a note at Thomas@maxeffortcaoching.com. I would love to hear your feedback and have a conversation.
Remember… “So… what now?
